i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
