dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
