my shit smells like andre
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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