Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
