Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
