Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
