im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
