Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize