Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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