Already got asked if we're dating
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
