my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
