He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
