uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
