White coat. Heels.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
