god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
