I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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