I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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