Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My ATM looks so different sober.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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