found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I can't turn off my feet"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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