My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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