then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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