My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize