I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
