3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
