Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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