oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
