The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she told me i tasted like america
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
