K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
