He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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