Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
