Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
