Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
