I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
