I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
