My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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