Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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