i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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