ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
