Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
