Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
