im about as happy as oj after his trial
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
