office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
