So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
