Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Come see our sink grown plant.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize