did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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