Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
