and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
