like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
