Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
