I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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