I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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