My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
