I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My breasts were aching with rage.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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