I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sorry about my life...
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