Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize