yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
