I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
