My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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