Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
