I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
