I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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