fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize