i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
How naked do you want me to be?
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