Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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