im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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