Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Randomize
