Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
