My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
