why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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