Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
