Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
