Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
