My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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