My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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