i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
