she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
