I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
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